I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, that's why I'm walking in the city with a hot face

I watched this movie last night called The Boys and Girls Guide to Getting Down after watching Adam. I'll start with Adam; it was quite good. I was expecting more of a quirky romance and it was a lot more serious than I was ready for, but overall I approve. I'll have to watch it again for a more specific opinion. I liked the end of the story, he seemed a lot more comfortable at the end of the movie and I liked that he was able to accomplish that all on his own. Character transformation is touching. Boys and Girls Guide to Getting Down was a bit odd. It was set up as a tutorial type video, I guess it was sort of a parody of educational videos from the 80's but it was all about proper party etiquette, tips on getting into clubs, what people to avoid, and lots of other interesting little facts. Entertaining.. :)

I went to the bookstore today and came home with a bundle-full. The Thursday Next series by Jasper Fforde and then the Jane Austen Book Club by Karen Joy Fowler. Mostly fun reads, but that's what I need. Fun reads.

Fly Paper - K-OS

there's a darkness upon me that's flooded in light, in the fine print they tell me what's wrong and what's right

Avatar was the most mediocre movie plot I've ever seen. I don't see what all the hype was about. 2 hours into the movie I leaned over to my friend and asked her when she thought the story was going to start. Sure, the visual effects were stunning, whatever. It was not enough for me to give it more than 3 stars.

Tonight's feature film is Billy Elliot. I'll tell you my thoughts after I've viewed it. I have to have a talk with Keith tonight about Alex.. this should be fun. He wants to impart upon me his words of wisdom, but the whole thing is something I'd rather not talk about.. I don't need to hear his disapproval at my rash decision making. I already know I'm a bad person.

I don't really want to write anymore..

Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise - Avett Brothers

the portrait

Mindy is probably going to Doggy Heaven this weekend. She's just not having fun anymore, and when your dog stops having fun then it's time to say goodbye. This has been a bad season for our family, 4 animals in just a couple of months. With the exception of Romy all of them were very old though. Romy was just a tragic accident.

I babysat today for a couple hours and made $30 and not 5 minutes after I got paid my mother asked if she could borrow $20. I found it humorous. I know she'll pay me back though.

I'm about 4 episodes into season 4 of the L Word. I think the sooner I finish the series, the sooner I can get back to my life.. this always happens with tv shows. I get sucked in and then I just can't pull myself out until the show is over, especially if I'm watching the series on dvd or somewhere I have access to all the episodes, it's different when I'm just watching it on tv.

I found this poem in a batch of recordings I had, and it broke my heart. It's called "The Portrait" by Stanley Kunitz

My mother never forgave my father

for killing themselves,

especially at such an awkward time

and in a public park,

that spring

when I was to be born.

She locked his name

in her deepest cabinet

and would not let him out.

though I could hear him thumping.

When I came down from the attic

with the pastel portrait in my hand

of a long-lipped stranger

with a brave mustache

and deep brown level eyes,

she ripped it into shreds

without a single word

and slapped me hard.

In my 64th year

I can feel my cheek

still burning.

lay cards with the lovers that will hate you

I'm not so much liking season three of the L Word.. I wont go into detail in case Erika reads this because I just got her started on season one, but I will just say that I am not pleased.

I learned about lighting a scene today in Cinematography and Lighting, it was interesting to think about all the aspects that go into the process. You want the light to look natural, but in a perfect sort of way.. keep shadows from being cast on faces. And matching is important. If you want the audience to believe that a single candle is lighting the whole room during a romantic dinner scene you have to get a little creative with low lighting and soft lighting and the audience has to suspend their disbelief as well. We all know that a candle wont light up a room.

I'm moving out with my oldest brother! I don't know if I already wrote that or not. I found these apartments in Lynnwood that were seemingly perfect, but I started reading reviews and they are pretty horrible. Apparently this complex has a history of ROACHES and BIG SPIDERS!!! Not really my kind of place. Keith found some cool ones in Woodinville and we know someone who lives there and he says they're nice so there's still some hope.

My little puppy is so cute, she's chewing on her foot.

I saw an accident on the freeway this evening on my way home from school! A three car fender bender. It was literally in the lane RIGHT next to me, and it happened right in front of me. If I'd been in the lane I might have run into them as well, which would have been disastrous. I felt bad, it was dark, rainy and already pretty heavy traffic and they get into this nice little wreck right in the middle of the freeway. Bleh.

Right now I'm just killing time until I can go back to watching the L Word. My brother, Scott, and his friends are here right now to get a table and I don't know how they'd feel if I was sitting in the middle of the living room watching a crazy lesbian melodrama.

..One Hour Later..

I don't like believing in signs, so I'm not going to let myself get all excited over something which is probably absolutely nothing. But a guy that I used to have a crush on a couple years ago just added me on facebook, and he's no longer dating his insane girlfriend. But like I said, not going to even think about it after I post this.

Everybody Loves Me - OneRepublic

kick the wall smash the lights, rip the shades burn it all, firecracker firecracker I will not complain at all.

Earlier when I said that I was fine with it because it felt like enough.. I lied. I'm actually kind of heart broken.

Go figure.

Firecracker - Voxtrot

if you're looking for something lifelike..

Sorry for the depressive rant I posted a couple days ago. I don't want this to be one of those blogs, that kind where people just complain and bitch. I want to look back on this and not think, "wow.. I hope no one read that."

New guilty pleasure: the show The L Word. I can't get enough of the lesbian drama.

Hustle Rose - Metric

if the plane goes down, damn, well I'll remember where the love was found.

I was going to post, but then I realized I had nothing to say. This wasn't a very good week for me. It's like the Rilo Kiley song I used in my last post, it goes "sometimes when you're on you're really fucking on, and your friends they sing along and they love you. but the lows are so extreme that the good seems fucking cheap and teases you for weeks in its absence." I know I'm not the only one who's suffering, and my "problems" pale in comparison to other people's, but the problem is I'm alone most of the time.

I'm trying to remember the better days. There were times of my life when I was happy, and in love, and carefree. So I'm hoping that if I hold on to those moments, then the bad times wont be so bad. Life is a roller coaster, right? Ups and downs, but mostly downs. That's how shit goes, with everyone.. not just me. I'm not self absorbed, I'm not the only one with problems. Maybe that's why I keep them to myself, because I know that deep down, no one wants to hear about mine because they've got their own.

Plane - Jason Mraz

sometimes when you're on, you're really fucking on and your friends they sing along and they love you.

I watched Bright Young Things last night, I forgot how much I love that movie. Maybe I'm a fan of the British film, maybe it's the era and the jazzy feel, maybe it's the cinematography or the story. Either way, it's excellent. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend you do.

Really lame entry, I'm sorry. Today was an interesting day. In Film in Literature we watched Run Lola Run which is always a nice flick. Keeps you on the edge of your scene because Lola is literally running for 85% of the movie and the camera is always tracking, panning or doing something so there's never a moments rest. In Cinematography and Lighting it was like, "Here, have a huge helping of information. In fact, have a whole turkey, and by the way we're having a quiz on Wednesday." The teacher's kind of cool though, he knows his stuff and he's nice. It's just.. I feel like such an amateur in that class. Everyone knows their stuff and has tons of experience and then there's me.. Haha.

Better Son/Daughter - Rilo Kiley

please understand this isn't just "goodbye," this is "I can't stand you."

All I can say is, if you're going to call someone your best friend I think you should make time for them when you come home to visit from school for a month, not keep rescheduling all your plans with them so you can go party with your other friends, or if you must go party with your other friends invite your best friend along? Maybe that's just what I'd do, what I tried to do anyway. Except in this scenario, I was the neglected one. The afterthought. It's a joke to call her my friend anymore. You make time for your friends. You call them when you have to cancel plans the day of don't just send them a message on facebook at 11:00pm saying, "sorry I have been so so busy running around ever since I woke up. I can hang out tomorrow for maybe an hour (at most!) if you're not busy but I have so much to do before I go back to school." Thanks best friend.

Sorry about the angry post, I am just really frustrated. I'll probably come back and delete this tomorrow.

No It Isn't - Plus 44

we never went to church, just get on with work and sometimes things'll hurt.

I've been a little bit skeptical about the new Alice in Wonderland movie coming out in March. In the past, though creative, Tim Burton's movies have always been a bit too formulaic for me. He's one of those directors that recycles actors way to many times. You're pretty much garunteed to find Helena Bonham Carter, Johnny Depp and Alan Rickman in there somewhere with a few exceptions. I have just watched a trailer though and it seems.. interesting, to say the least. It's almost as if it's more of a twist on Through the Looking Glass than Alice in Wonderland because it's about Alice's return to Wonderland but it's not really at all the same story as Through the Looking Glass. Bah, I don't know. I'll see it and critique it later, but I'm not excited. I think he rewrote the story so that he could make Johnny Depp more of a main character.

Today I'm supposed to be doing homework, which is watching a movie and reading about cinematography. I lead a difficult life.. :) I really need to kick this procrastination habit I have though, I should have done this shit days ago. I'm reading about camera stuff right now and it's kind of confusing. I'm more of a visual/kinesthetic learner and even though there are a couple diagrams in this book it doesn't make any sense when I just read the words, they don't sink in.

I still haven't heard from Bobby :( I tried to send him a message on MySpace (lame, but it's the only way I know how to contact him.) I am afraid that all we had was a one-night-stand. I don't necessarily feel used, I just wish I knew.

For the record, it's Sunday and I haven't heard from Kindra. Go figure.

Never Went to Church - The Streets

mute cebu was waving, and grunting "mmgghhmm mgghhmm mgghhmm mmgghhmm mhhm"

So, after last night's post my brother invited me to go party it up with him and some of his old friends/bandmates. He used to be in a screamo band (ick). They're not all long-haired, greasy, satan-loving weirdos though. In fact, they're quite clean. It was fun.. I gotta say, I am not a big fan of beer.. at all, I hate the taste of it but I was that anxious for something to do. We pretty much played beer hockey all freaking night and went through 3 - that's right THREE! - 18 packs between the 6 of us. It was going fine until Alex, Brant and Matt realized that they were going to easy on me so everyone started ganging up on me and I had to down about 4 beers in an hour. Good times. Alex was kind of adorable, he looked like Jake Gyllenhaal but not quite as skinny.

The plan to visit the train tracks over the river is still on, I just need to get over the slight hangover I have this morning. After some coffee, some food and a nice hot shower I should be good to go.

The Song of the Cebu - Silly Songs with Larry

I need you like water in my lungs

My day wasn't terribly exciting today. I went to my school and got my new books and I caved and bought a school sweatshirt. I've got spirit, how bout you? :) I also returned my library books which were about a year overdue (also which I never read) and decided to take a trip to the river. Next time I go down there, which would be now if it weren't too dark, I'm going to wear different shoes and attempt to climb up on the old train track bridge because I'm that cool. I'll take pictures. I decided I'm going to write in this blog as if people actually read it so that when someone stumbles across it they'll actually consider sticking around.

Unfortunately, my friday night is deader than a doornail. Is it sad that since I was called called off of work this evening I have absolutely nothing to do? I really need some people to hang out with. Or I could just be 21 and go hang out at the bars, there are some pretty classy ones in Snohomish town. I've still got a year and a half until that day comes though.

I'm supposedly hanging out with Kindra on Sunday, but this is the third reschedule she's put me through this week so I'm skeptical about it. I'm going to go do my homework now, since I have nothing better to do. At least I'm wearing a comfy sweatshirt and I have an adventure in mind. I may even go tomorrow! I'll keep you updated :)

Play Crack the Sky - Brand New

I don't want to risk our paths crossing someday, so you walk that way and I'll walk this way.

So my New Year is going really great so far. I just feel more confident all around.. I know people are all invigorated at this time of year, inspired by the newness of time, and everything around them but the effects don't last all the long. But I gotta say, I was pretty close to pathetically depressed less than a month ago and I have come full circle. I'm happy, I'm making new friends, I'm being brave, and I'm listening to new music. Nothing revamps you like a new soundtrack for life. Haha. That sounds silly, but you know what I mean.

I can tell that there is nothing more to say in this entry, but I hate only writing one paragraph. My classes are the shit, and there are some very cool people in them. Nathan and Anthony namely, they're matching my friendliness which makes conversing easy. Down with the shyness! Seriously, in all my research it says, "the first step to overcoming shyness is making small talk with strangers, as awkward as it seems." Denny is pretty cool too, but he's more reserved so it's difficult. I will prevail though.

And Bobby, you better watch out! I'm not ready to give up just yet. Today while I was driving, I had a really good conversation in my head with him so if we ever talk, I'll have some good lines.

Landlocked Blues - Bright Eyes

he drinks a whiskey drink, he drinks a vodka drink, he drinks a lager drink, he drinks a cider drink

I did it! I pierced my belly button, and it looks cool. I dig it. It wasn't terribly painful either, not nearly traumatic as my nose piercing experience.

For the record, Fired Up (2009) was a stupid/hilarious movie. It's been stuck in my head all day and I may watch it for the third time tonight, haha.

"So, how did you two crazy kids meet?"

"Funny story actually, our parents knew each other from way back and they introduced us."

"Whoo.. not that funny of a story. Not even a story really, just like a fact.."

I get knocked down - Smashing Pumpkins

the night's too long, so when we sleep I keep the lights on.

I'm thinking about getting my belly button pierced. I don't know, new year.. new me. To be honest.. I think it looks kind of sexy, but is it so bad to want to look sexy? It's not like I'll be showing it off everywhere I go. But when people do see it they'll be like, "damn, that's hawt." haha. That's what my friend Carly said anyway. I think I'll do it this week. Maybe even Tuesday.

My New Years Eve by the way was the best. Margaritas, Beer Pong, Bobby and hammocks. I think that's all I'll say about that.

Happy 2010.

I Keep the Lights On - Wave Machines