and I'll cross oceans like never before

It's raining outside. According to this website, "Rain comes from clouds, the grey and white bits in the sky that aren't seagulls. Just like seagulls, clouds eject liquid excretions through their bottoms. Cloud excrement is called rain. Seagull excrement is called there's fucking bird shit all over my car again, have they got a fucking map that tells them where I've parked?, bastards." Honestly, I've never really thought about rain in terms of poop before, maybe it's because I've always been a hopeless romantic. I can't say I agree with the guy, just because something's comparable to poop, doesn't put it on an equal playing field.

I've been watching the sci-fi series Farscape lately. It's about an astronaut who get's sucked into a wormhole and then is taken on board Moya, a live ship with a crew of escaped intergalactic prisoners who are running from Peacekeepers -- kind of like space police in that particular part of the universe. It's tight. I see romance in the future for astronaut John Crichton and peacekeeper escapee Aeyron Seuyn.

My horoscope for the day:

You might find yourself involved in an emotionally charged melodrama today, even if you normally try to evade such things. And although the intensity may be somewhat distressing, there is also a definite adrenaline rush when you forget about remaining cool and detached. Instead of attempting to avoid this unfamiliar territory, enjoy it while you can because your passion will settle back down naturally in the days ahead.

What a crappy horoscope. Who enjoys drama? I sure don't. I refuse to get involved in such things.

Shelter - The xx

concrete jungle where dreams are made of.

Oddly enough, I had a much better perspective on life when I was a cynic. Instead of thinking, "I wish I had what you have" I would think, "what you have is probably not all it's cracked up to be, and you're just covering up your own tragedy of a life by pretending it's something it's not."

That may not sound that great, but the point is I had more respect for myself. Cynics go with the flow, they feel that what they have is the best it's gonna be and so they may as well run with it.

When I get my paycheck on Monday I'm going to spend all of it on a plane ticket to New York. Why? The real question is, why not? I'm always whining about being trapped in my little box, not getting out, not living.. It's time to live.

Empire State of Mind - Alicia Keys & Jay-Z

like stars burning holes right through the dark

I don't know if I mentioned before, but I am not going back to school this quarter, and maybe not next quarter either. In light of this, I will be working quite a bit more and making more money. With this money, I decided that I wanted to take a spontaneous trip to Rochester, NY to visit a friend of mine.. and then the transmission went out in my car so I have to either pay $1,600 to fix it --which is how much I payed for the car in the first place-- or sell it and buy a new one. Needless to say, no Rochester. I hate my life. I was finally going to do something.. fuck you, Fate, for keeping me in my shell.

Sleepyhead - Passion Pit

I had a zombie dream last night. It wasn't the first zombie dream I've ever had but it was the first one where I actually felt scared for my life and I couldn't win, all the other zombie dreams I kicked ass.

It was like we were in this suburban neighborhood, me and only other people my age. Some of my neighbors were in fact former high school people. I lived in a huge house with my brother and my baby sister. I don't actually have a baby sister, and she was kind of unrealistic, but whatever. She was about one year old. People on the street had been noticing that zombies were coming out at night and decided that we all needed to gather under one roof, and since I had the largest house in the neighborhood it clearly had to be mine. Nikkole, (a girl I went to school with) knocked on my door and when I opened it just saw everyone standing there and they were all saying that my house had to be the one where everyone took refuge. So I started letting them all in, having everyone go around and lock doors and close windows and we saw that the zombies were coming out during the day. In my dream that was weird because they were supposed to only come out at night. Everyone went into a panic and started running and screaming everywhere and the zombies just started coming at us. It was like a giant trap, they were all hiding in my house already and I thought I was going to die, but me and my brother had to protect our baby sister who was was running toward us screaming. I scooped her up and we ran upstairs and we were being chased by Frank -- some of the zombies in my dream had names, there was also a Kevin and an Eric. So we ran upstairs and into my room and closed the door then went into a secret passageway in my wall and we were just sitting there, in the dark, and then Frank found us and started climbing through the passageway and we jumped down into this underground river where a bunch of coffins were floating by. We got in a coffin hoping to be carried out to river like Jack in the Pirates of the Caribbean but the zombies, who were very organized and able to communicate with eachother were waiting at the mouth of the river riping the lids off coffins and they ripped off ours and said, "it's been so long since we've had a real meal!" and then I woke up.. ugh.

baby, I would have been something you'd be good at.

Okay, it's officially time to snap out of it. Actually, the time was 7 months ago.

Better late than never?

Call It Off - Tegan & Sara

right now I wish I could follow you.

Pining.. pining.. pining.. *slaps face*

fml.

Honey and the Moon - Joseph Aurthur

I'll be there when your heart stops beating.

Going to go see Scott Pilgrim vs. The World today!!! I'm pretty stoked. I've been wanting to see it for a while.

If you ever find that your peace of mind

is shattered in so many ways

and you find your feet down on lonely street

I'll be still there waiting for you.

Those are lyrics to a song, and I soooo relate to that right now. Fuck fuck fuck. My head is telling me, "that's a terrible idea." But I beg to differ. Literally, beg. Like I want this to work out so bad because if it doesn't then that will be years of waiting gone to waste. Just waiting.

When You're Heart Stops Beating - Bling 182